In one year I knew of at least 10 Christian couples (who were either associates or close friends), who got divorced or separated. It was puzzling to say the least because I looked up to many of these individuals as examples for my own marriage.
While I don't know all the dynamics of why each divorce took place in these relationships, I do know that God's plan is for marriage to work. I also understand that it takes two to make the marriage work. With this in mind, as women, there are some things we can do to work on maintaining and divorce proofing our marriages.
In addition to prayer and faith, doing these things will often require pressing past your emotions and feelings in order to strengthen the marriage relationship and protect it against the enemy's traps. While nothing is guaranteed, you can do your part as a wife in helping to strengthen your marriage relationship.
Below are the following things you can do to divorce proof your marriage:
1) Become Best Friends with God.
• Stay in God's presence, (Psalm 16:11). This is more of a lifestyle than anything else. Being in God's presence means enjoying Him and worshiping Him by appreciating who He is and His plan for your life. It involves carrying yourself in a way that shows the love of Christ to others, especially your husband.
• Renew your mind with God's Word, (Romans 12:1-2). Do you ever wonder why Christians fall into so much sin? One of the main reasons is the decision not to renew the mind. The Bible tells us to renew our minds on a consistent basis. If you don't renew your mind with God's Word, then you will replace it with something else. In fact, your spiritual desires will ultimately be replaced with lust. This is an insatiable desire for something. It could be in the area of food, money, material things, people, sex, etc. In fact, lust doesn't care about you, your family, your financial situation, your spiritual growth, or anything else. Lust just wants what it wants! As a result, this can cause a breakdown in the marriage relationship. This is why it's so important to be diligent in studying God's Word on a daily basis.
2) Deal with Your Issues. What are your issues? Are you angry, holding onto forgiveness, bitterness, emotional ties, or ex-boyfriend/husband issues?
These types of problems and emotions can pour over into your marriage, whether you want them to or not. I struggled with my past relationships with men. While I was not with my ex-boyfriend(s) physically, I often struggled with hurt, anger, bitterness, un-forgiveness, and resentment. In turn, this caused me to doubt my husband's love for me, and I often categorized him with the other men of my past.
In addition, I often blamed my husband for what other men did to me. This was unfair to my husband, and he didn't deserve this type of treatment; so I decided to overcome these issues by replacing them with God's Word and applying His perspective on my problems.
3) Stop watching/reading Housewife reality TV shows, soap operas, and trashy "love" novels. What you watch, listen to, and/or read will become apart of you. While these shows may seem exciting, intriguing, and good for entertainment, they send improper messages about marriage and your role as a wife.
You may be saying, "Why should I stop?"
Let me respond to that statement, "Do any of these shows give you sound Biblical principles for being a godly wife?"
If your answer is no, then I recommend you replace watching these shows with reading Biblically based books on marriage and spiritual growth.
Some books include:
• The Marriage You've Always Wanted by Gary Chapman
• The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
• The Love Languages of God: How to Feel and Reflect Divine Love by Gary Chapman
• Fireproof (which also comes in a DVD movie) by Alex Kendrick and Stephen Kendrick
4) Learn to forgive...quickly!
Forgiveness is very important when it comes to marriage. Sometimes our husbands can hurt us emotionally in a way like no one else can. Maybe it's because we have given so much of our selves and we expect so much from them. But you must understand that your husband will disappoint you and even hurt you at times. Understand that you will do the same to him. For this reason and because God requires it, you must be willing to let go and love him despite the hurt.
5) Be Creative in Your Communication - Be willing to communicate with your husband about your marriage. Always start off with a positive statement.Communication is important, especially in the area of finances. In fact, money is one of the top reasons for divorce. When I first married my husband, I never expected to have money problems because I always thought it would be available to us. But when I started losing jobs and my husband started making some transitions, these things put a strain on our finances. In fact, we lost our home because our finances were in turmoil.
I believe things would have been better for us, had we discussed our finances in a more open manner. Eventually I took responsibility for my negligence and careless spending habits by learning about money from God's perspective. We've learned our lesson, and now we're very honest and open about money. To start your journey, I suggest you educate yourself on how you can improve your finances. There are books on finances and you may even want to consider seeking financial counseling.
6) Refuse to compare your marriage or your spouse with someone one else's. Sometimes it's so easy (when we feel discouraged or lonely within our own marriages), to look at other people and become frustrated or jealous with them because they seem to be doing well in their marriages. It's unhealthy, unrealistic, and it puts too much pressure on you and your husband. If you can get the mindset that God has a different and unique plan for you and your husband, then you can be yourself and he can be himself without trying to measure up to human standards.
7) Make Passionate Love to Your Husband on a Consistent Basis.
Sex plays a large part in maintaining a healthy marriage. In fact, making love on a consistent basis can do the following things:
• Help you feel closer to your husband.
• Help him to feel good and you to feel good.
• Demonstrate to him how much you love him.
• Reduce the temptation for either of you to look for love and affection outside of your marriage.
• Open the door to intimacy and communication at a later time
(If for some reason, sex is not pleasurable for you, or you were sexually traumatized in the past, I suggest you prayerfully talk to your husband to see how you can improve your sex life. You may also need to seek help in the form of books and/or counseling.)
8) Take an interest in what interests your husband. In some cases, sex may not be the biggest priority for your husband. Other things such as work, projects, sports, and other activities, may be more important. While you and your husband may be different and have different interests, you can still humor him. For instance, let's say he's a sports fan and you don't enjoy sports. You could start by getting yourself a jersey with his favorite team and wearing it on game day.
At least it would show him you were taking notice of his interests. He may enjoy jazz. Take an evening to serve him dinner as you listen to his favorite jazz artist. There are so many creative ways you can show support to your husband, even when you don't enjoy some of the things he does. In the long run, he'll see the sacrifice and efforts you make to learn what interests him; and in turn he may do the same thing for you.
9) Let go of pride and just say, "I apologize," or "I'm sorry," even when you think you're right in the situation. The Bible tells us to humble ourselves. This is when God will reward us, (1 Peter 5:6).
10) Be content, (but not complacent with), where you are in your marriage. Paul tells the believer to be content where we are. Understand that marriage is a process, but recognize that God is doing something in your marriage relationship. Thank God for your husband and remember that things could always be worse, (Hebrews 13:5).
While divorce in the Kingdom of God is rampant, as Christian women, we can do some things to prevent our marriages from ending. While nothing is guaranteed, prayer, faith, and doing your part to strengthen the marriage can work.
Strengthen your marriage and make your husband smile!
"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."
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